Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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