"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
