good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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