Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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