apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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