So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
