Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sober January is a disaster.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
