You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
