Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize