Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize