I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
