I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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