Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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