can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My penis needs a shock collar
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
