this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
