Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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