Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
