before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
