party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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