Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
