My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
