I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
