Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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