she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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