the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
