I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
