im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
