i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are the jesus of drinking
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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