Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
