your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
