That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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