i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
