I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So much rum. So many feels.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
