i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
