Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
