Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i came on her dog
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
