why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
