Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
