I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
