Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
