My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
