Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
