I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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