How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
