He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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