life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
