I got chris browned last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
