Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
