How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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