im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
