The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
