so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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