everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Everclear isn't food dammit
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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