Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
