My first STD was from a foam party
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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