Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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