Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
