my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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