Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
