im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
