She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I party with great urgency now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
