these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
