I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
