So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A+ Viking dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
