The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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