FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
