oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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