he puts the penis in happiness.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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