capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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