Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
